BROTHERS and SISTERS

If we could advise couples who are contemplating having a second child, we would recommend strongly not to have that child too soon after the first one. Many mothers have been advised to have children back-to-back. “Get through the diaper years as fast as possible,” they are told.

This may rank as one of the worst pieces of advice for mothers and babies that has ever been given. An eighteen-to-thirty-month-old child wants fulltime attention from his mother. He not only wants her undivided attention, but he really needs it. He is not

fully independent in anything except getting into trouble.

We strongly recommend that the first baby be given the time and attention he needs to gain independence. Usually between the ages of three and four he is able to take care of himself—and what is equally important, help mother. It is very important for the first child to be able to contribute to the new baby from the start. If older brother or sister is simply too immature to be helpful, he or she will compete with the baby for time and attention.

As soon as you become pregnant with your second baby, we propose that your first child begin to learn all the things he can do to help you and the new baby once he arrives. Create a checklist for each responsibility, and for the next nine months lovingly coach your child through these checklists. Your young child knows he or she is in training now to be the “older brother” or “older sister”. It is the first real job he or she has ever had. It is an important job, and your child knows it. When the baby does arrive, older brother is ready and he can begin to help you.

Each day he gets better and better at his responsibilities. He does not see the baby as a competitor. Far from it, he views the baby exactly as you do—as his little sister or brother who needs his help and who a es him. What a difference it makes to give your first baby the chance to get on his feet and be able to help before the second baby arrives.

Our mothers say that the older brothers and sisters are a vital part of the teaching team from the moment the baby arrives. This is the start of a wonderful relationship between brothers and sisters that will last a lifetime.